A guide to proper cat care, from Miss Cuddlywumps
Webster deserves some respect.
Today’s the day to give him his due.
Photo by She of Little Talent.
I recognize that many of you humans are completely befuddled by us cats. Instead of respecting and honoring us like the divine creatures we are, you hold us like babies and talk to us in gibberish. Sometimes we pretend to enjoy this, but not today, because today is Respect Your Cat Day. Time to give us our due. Here are some tips to get you started.
- When your cat wakes you in the morning, arise punctually and without complaint. Thank the cat for waking you, because without the cat you would suffer the unhealthy consequences of overabundant sleep, and we don’t want that.
- Don’t stalk your cat with a camera waiting for him or her to do something “cute.” We are not here for your amusement.
- When your cat asks for treats, give your cat treats. Simple.
- Cat sitting in your favorite chair? Do not, under any circumstances, move the cat. It won’t kill you to sit on the floor for once.
- Cat sleeping soundly in your bed right where your head/torso/legs should be? Do not, under any circumstances, move the cat. Either contort your body gracefully around the cat or…go to the floor. Please take a pillow and blanket for your comfort (but not the cat’s favorite blanket, please).