I, Miss Cuddlywumps, am a classically educated cat with a talent for solving mysteries. I am also beautiful and witty. I am therefore already perfect and need no real improvement. Most cats are like this: already perfect in every way. This is why we felines do not normally make New Year’s resolutions. Nevertheless, this year I have made one resolution for myself and all the other cats out there:
- For the betterment of the world, we cats shall continue to be our beautiful, fabulous, already perfect selves.
Reassuring, isn’t it? Now you can enter 2014 knowing that certain small corners of the world (the sunny corners cats like to curl up in) are perfect.
In case you would like to make your own corner more prefect, I have also made a New Year’s resolution for you:
- Be more like a cat.
Do not be intimidated by this resolution. Begin by accepting the fact that you will never be as perfect as a cat. You are only a human, after all, and therefore you will always have many flaws and your nose will always be unattractive. Poor you. But do not despair, for I have created this simple list to guide you.
The Official Miss Cuddlywumps Guide to Being More Like a Cat:
- Take naps.
- Chase mice.
- Bathe regularly.
- Do yoga.
- Demand to be fed before dawn every morning.
- Take more naps.
Even the dullest human should be able to follow this guide, but just in case you are exceptionally dull and cannot chase even the slowest mouse or do the simplest yoga pose, I have one last bit of advice:
- When in doubt, pet a cat.